he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
