i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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