my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
