I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
