Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
