I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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