my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
