we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
