3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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