walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
