Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
