I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
