i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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