I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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