am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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