I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
