Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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