apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
