and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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