I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
