Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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