Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
