Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
