..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
