I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
