she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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