she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
