Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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