Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
