let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
