I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
