im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
