Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Couch. On fire.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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