my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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