you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
