She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
