halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
