atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
