I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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