he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We have started to decorate penises.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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