I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
