I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
