My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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