I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
