My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
