Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
