Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
