I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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