Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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