I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
